Choose Yourself
I sit down to write this entry, and all I can think about is how badly I want to encourage you to choose yourself. I don't mean ‘choose yourself’ in a selfish way, but rather choose yourself in a way that builds your confidence and fosters self-respect.
You can choose yourself in a lot of aspects in life, but I want to write about dating and romantic relationships cause it's the most fun!
I myself have lost a few good men because I made the conscious decision of choosing myself — but were they really good men? Some of them, suuuure. I was once dating a lovely man — successful in his field of work, handsome, intelligent, etc. Without looking into things too deeply, he also treated me well enough. He asked how I was, took a surface-level interest in my work and personal endeavors, was sure to take me out to eat, made his intentions clear, and even went as far as letting me know he was only seeing me (gasp). But that ‘well enough’ part is what kept me up at night and stressed out during the day. I desire more than well enough; I desire an abundance of love, communication, affection, emotional intelligence, undivided attention, consideration, and all the many more things that have to do with caring about someone! I have always been terrified of settling — and initially, it was the fear that I would settle for a man who isn’t on the same level or higher than I am financially, mentally, and emotionally. That remains true, but now it is so much deeper than that. It is the fear of settling with the ‘good enough’ — eeyyyyuuucccccck.
We will use a personal example to paint a clear picture of what I mean by ‘good enough’. A man asks me how my day was, and if you know anything about me when I get comfortable — I am a talker, so I am going to tell you about my day. We do this each day for a few months. The first couple of weeks, I was met with follow-up questions about the details of my day. Then, over the next week or so, the questions lessen, and the response is, “wow, sounds like a busy day.” Then, after things get comfortable, something ends up interrupting me in the middle of my story — whether that be a phone call, the game is back on, or the man remembers something that he finds more important that he needs to talk about, it's always something, and I don't end up finishing telling him about my day. Does he follow up with me? No. Could I have started talking about my day again? Sure, but what the hell do I look like doing that?
Now, if that fluctuated here and there, that is okay, but completely falling off from the energy that was given in the beginning, yikes. I can sit here and say what I had been telling myself, “I was pretty much already done, it’s not that important anyway”, “he has the capacity to be attentive cause I have seen it before”, and my favorite, “oh he just has a lot going on, I need to give him some grace.” All of those are literally me saying that what he is giving me is ‘good enough’. AND did I ever behave that way, even though I had a lot on my plate? No. If he was interrupted mid-thought, did I follow up on asking him to finish what he was talking about? Yes. So WHY is it okay for him to treat me that way? It isn’t. Side note: it is funny I say those things cause I have a note to write about how we shouldn’t expect ourselves in others. Anyway, what did I do? I decided to choose myself; I ended things. Because I know for a fact that there is a man out there who is going to treat me how I DESIRE (not deserve, even though I deserve what I desire, nonetheless) to be treated. AND if there isn’t, I know that I will treat myself as I desire to be treated, and the wonderful loved ones in my life will treat me as I desire to be treated.
I write a lot about myself in my posts, mostly because I want to preserve others’ stories that are shared privately with me. However, I want to make it clear that I am not alone on this boat. There have been a handful of people, mostly women, I know personally who have chosen themselves — yes, at first, heartbreaking, but then they glow as I've never seen them glow before, after a little bit. I also know others who haven’t yet chosen themselves and are staying in what is comfortable, which in the end could be what they desire, and I love that for them!
But for those of you reading who stay up at night and are stressed out during the day because someone isn’t treating you how you deep down desire to be treated, to you, dear friend, please stop settling for good enough; there is so much more out there for you, your heart and your soul.
xoxx,
B
p.s. I have a Leo Venus, which could very well be why I feel so passionate about getting everything you desire out of love. (yes the moon, stars, and planets matter people, wake up!)
p.p.s I was inspired to write this because I realized that is what my friends were trying to get through to me when I was going through that, but I was too stubborn to fully listen at the time. Thank you for sticking with me and encouraging me to choose myself. ily.
If you want to hear this in a sort of podcast format please click play below.